Cuckoo Clocks

Taknev asked:


The other night he was invited out for a night with “the boys”. I told his wife that he would be home by midnight ..promise!

Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, he headed for home. Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, he realized she’d probably wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. he was really proud of his self, having a quick-witted solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.

The next morning his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told her twelve o’clock. She didn’t seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock.

When he asked her why, she said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh shit,” cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.”

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Gina B asked:


The other night I was invited out for a night with “the girls.” I told
my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!”
Well, the Hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the
door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when
totally smashed…3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him
“Midnight”. He didn’t seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that
one!
Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When I asked him why?, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said, “Oh. Shit.”, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s
throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then
tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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sweetdelilah85 asked:


There is a song that i can’t rememeber the name or who sings it or the lyrics all i remember is the music video. Its a surreal video with big grandfather clocks and cuckoo clocks they kinda bend and melt its an upbeat song and i think the artist has shoulder lenght brown hair does anyone have any idea what and song/artist is?

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KxDxJ asked:


At a big store, there was a lot of bickering going on. The store manager decided to call a meeting for all employees and asked:

-What is the problem? Why is everyone so upset?

The stereo and TV sales supervisor said:

- It’s this employee of the year thing. We worked our tushes off, made record sales and we came in last place.

The washing machines and dryers sales supervisor echoes:

- Yeah, same here. We had the best sales since 5 years, and we came in 4th place.

The cellphone sales supervisor agrees:

- Same here! We hit our target sales and tripled that for 7 months in a row, and we’re only 3rd place.

The computer and printers sales supervisor said:

- And we ran out of stock, there were so many pcs and printers sold. It’s our best year ever, and we’re in 2nd place.

The store manager is bewildered and says:

- But that’s wonderful to have such a motivated team. Kudos to all of you. I truly don’t see what the problem is. James here, our employee of the year winner outdid himself, he sold more cuckoo clocks than we ever thought possible. And his strategy was one of a kind!

All the supervisors glanced at one another, and seeing the inquisitive look on their faces, the store manager added:

- With every cuckoo clock sold, he gave away a free bag of bird food.

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Jewels asked:


The other night, I was invited out for a night with “the girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. “I promise,” were my last words.

The hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily and around 3 a.m. we piled into a cab and headed to our respective homes, quite inebriated.

Just as I walked through the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times!

Realizing that my husband would probably wake up to this, I quickly cuckooed another 9 times. I was quite pleased with myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution to cover up my tardiness. Even with my impaired judgment, I could count 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos equaled 12 cuckoos!

The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, and confidently, I replied, “Midnight…like I promised.” He didn’t even raise and eyebrow and went on reading the morning paper! Phew! Got away with that one!

After a moment, he then replied, “I think we might need a new cuckoo clock.”

A bit nervously, I asked him why, to which he responded:

“Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said, ‘Oh, crap,’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table.”

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lexiana asked:


I’m coming to the end of my two month stay in Germany and I still have no idea what to buy for gifts. I’ve got about 10 or 15 € left for prezzies for each of my sisters, maybe 20 or 25 € for mum, and about 5 € (maybe a little more, we’ll see) for each of my three best friends. I have some Didl Maus stuff already for them all.
What can I get them that is typically German? I can’t buy sausages, (wurst) because New Zealand has really strict Customs policies on food. I’m not sure about chocolate, because that’s not exactly a lasting souvenir. And when I asked my host sister what is typically German, she came up with ‘cuckoo clocks’. I’m sure my mum would love a cuckoo clock, (well, not totally sure), but they tend to be a bit on the expensive side, and if it got broken in transit, it would be terrible.
Help!
10 points!
Sadly, I’m not going anywhere near the Berlin Wall. And we already have Kinder Überraschung in New Zealand - ‘cept there they’re called Kinder Surprise.

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like it like asked:


What if a friend gave you a cuckoo clock for your birthday?

A real huge, authentic-looking, and a loud one.

Would you be just happy or you’d think it’s a freaky present, and try to get rid of it secretly?

I know it doesn’t really match this section but i don’t know where this question should belong.

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israel asked:


Lonely, desperate, conscious and simultaneously unconscious; for lack of better words I’ve resorted to: lost, perplexed or trapped to express my identity. I remain puzzled of my physical and mental existence; puzzled of the ambiance I’ve accustomed, and puzzled of my own state of mind. Feeling worthless every morning, walking in the darkest abyss of despair; trudging in stiff Johnny Walker-like steps everyday in search of my real identity.Then, trying to visualize my religiously simulated or scientifically theorized existence that makes no sense at the and of my tedious journey.

I man, fear for mankind; men lacking the audacity of questioning their metaphysical beliefs; men battling their logicality and reality with their preconception and misconception of creationism. Crusaders and fascistic soldiers of the tyrannical religious structure willing to enforce their dogma’s unto innocent people.

Dear friend, the sooner you realize the corrupt, militaristic, and exploitative ways of religion, the better. Religion is just a fear based explanation of our existence; a double-edged sword that provides hope and delusional comfort. The very nature of religion has torn our world apart and left us close minded and stubborn as an angry mule.
I care not for those who brand me as lifeless and faithless, for them I consume my blasphemous atheist way of life with great joy and passion. We have lost our independence to religion telling us what to do, what to feel, and what to think. We have succumbed to this unnatural manhood that employs “a white bearded guy” as our creator.

Us humans have the power to make life free and beautiful without the intervention of an imaginary friend. Unfortunately, reality is bad as it is, this world has no room for imaginary idols confusing us like cuckoo clocks.

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WiseVibes asked:


The other night I was invited out for a bachelorette party with “the girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed I knew that 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos, which equals MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him “midnight”. He didn’t seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, “We need a new cuckoo clock.”
When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, ‘Oh shit’, cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it’s throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

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JODY SINGS asked:


1) How many Country & Western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go “Yeeeee-Hawh!” and throw his hat in the air.
2)Shortly after I got married, I was invited out for a night out with the boys. I told the wife that I would be home by midnight… Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 AM, drunk as a skunk, I went home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she’d probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having the presence of mind, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. Next morning the wife asked me what time I got in. I told her 12 o’clock. Whew! Got away with that one! Then she told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked why, she said,
“Well, it cuckooed 3 times, cuckooed another 4 times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, farted, then cuckooed twice more and started giggling.”
3)A police officer pulled over a red Corvette after it had run a stop sign. “May I see your driver’s license and registration please?” “What’s the problem, officer?” “You just ran the stop sign back there at the last intersection.” “Oh, come on pal, there wasn’t a car within miles of me”. “Nevertheless sir, you are required to come to a complete stop, look both ways, and proceed with caution.” “You gotta be kidding me!” “It’s no joke, sir”. “Look, I slowed down almost to a complete stop, saw no one within twenty miles, and proceeded with caution.” “That’s beside the point, sir. You are supposed to come to a complete stop, and you didn’t. Now if I may see your license and…” “You’ve sure got a lot of time on your hands. What’s the matter, all the doughnut shops closed?” “Sir, I’ll overlook that last comment.
He opened the car door, dragged the obnoxious motorist out, and proceeded to methodically beat him over the head with his nightstick. “Now sir, would you like me to slow down or come to a complete stop?”
4)Two New York City social workers were walking through a rough part of the city one evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. “Help me, I’ve been mugged and viciously beaten,” he pleaded. The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to her colleague, “You know the person that did this really needs help.”
5)A proctologist walked into a bank and prepared to endorse a check. He pulled a rectal thermometer out of his pocket and tried to “write” with it. Realizing his mistake he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and exclaimed “How do you like that? Some asshole’s got my pen!”

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